I want to see Krishna and Balaram

Compiled by Mahavishnu Das - 3.11 2015

Udayananda: I was on a morning walk with Srila Prabhupada in Chicago in 1975. We were walking for some time along Lake Shore Drive. We came up to a fishing pier way out into the lake where some people were standing on the end of the pier. Srila Prabhupada said, “What are they doing?” We said, “Oh, they’re fishing, Srila Prabhupada.” Prabhupada got really grave. He said, “They are fishing now and later the material energy will fish them.” It was a very heavy, almost angry statement. “They are fishing now and later the material energy will fish them.”

Yogesvara: I made the mistake once of trying to praise Prabhupada. That was a huge mistake. He liked someone to read to him while he got his massage. Once I was reading from the Caitanya-caritamrita where it says if you take this bus and switch to the local train and you go two stops and you go around the building at the train station, you’ll see a rock there, and…like all of these details among details. I said, “What’s with all the details? How come you wrote so many details into your commentaries?” He said, “Because this will substantiate for people the historicity of our movement. When they read that there’s so much rich detail in history they’ll understand that this is nothing invented.” For some reason the person giving the massage had to leave the room, so I was sitting there alone with Prabhupada. I continued to read and at one point I was just a little overwhelmed by what I was reading and I said, “I don’t know how to thank you for doing this.” I was grasping for words of praise, and just at that moment I looked up and Prabhupada had his head bowed. He was shaking his head, “No, no, no.” I then realized what a terrible mistake I had made. First of all he was cornered, and I had taken advantage of that. And secondly, he did not want to hear himself praised at all. He took no credit, none. None whatsoever.

Udayananda: Towards the end when Srila Prabhupada was very ill, he said, “I want to see Krishna and Balaram. Tamal got his palanquin and he said, “Udayananda, I want you and Manohara to carry Prabhupada.” Manohara was in the front and I was in the back. We picked up the palanquin to test it and it was really not that heavy. When you looked at Srila Prabhupada, he couldn’t have weighed more than eighty pounds. So for us big, young guys, it would be simple to carry him on the palanquin. But when we lifted him on the palanquin, it felt like I was bench-pressing four hundred pounds. It was so heavy. I could barely stand up. I then realized what it means that the guru is “heavy”. I was thinking, “How am I going to do this service?” Anyway, we brought Prabhupada out and circumambulated the Krishna-Balaram Mandir and then stopped in front of Gaur-Nitai’s altar. Prabhupada looked at the deities, and then lowered his head. Everyone offered their obeisances. We moved Prabhupada in front of Krishna and Balaram and he became transfixed on the deities. I was looking at Prabhupada’s face and a big tear came out of Prabhupada’s eye. Prabhupada then bowed his head and then we carried him back. The devotees were going wild.

When we brought him back into his quarters and put him in his chair, Tamal Krishna Maharaj said, “Srila Prabhupada, the devotees are ecstatic!” Prabhupada said, “I am also ecstatic.” Then Tamal said, “Srila Prabhupada, we will take you out every single day. And then you’ll get stronger and we’ll take you all over Vrindavan. And then we’ll take you to Govardhan! And then you’ll get stronger and stronger and you can preach stronger, and then we’ll take you all over the world!” All the devotees cried out, “Jai!” Prabhupada had a big smile. I just very much appreciated the way Tamal was giving pleasure to Srila Prabhupada.